Art

Holy crap, how is it December? 2008 is coming to its end? what?? Time makes less and less sense to me. I think i spend a lot of time thinking, there will be time soon. I guess we all do and that's how we push away decisions and change until we really don't have time anymore.

Naturally, being here, people ask if I will go home at the end or stay another year. When lyds and I signed up to do this, we assumed only one year. Especially me because, and this is no secret, I am pretty bad at English. In highschool, I took all honors classes....except English. And then the only B on my report card was always from my regular level English class. So i really didnt think teaching it was going to be my life long desire. (But its getting better for me and im enjoying it more and more... although i think i might just be enjoying my students and teaching more and more, not enjoying english more and more :) )

My thoughts last summer was that I would go to grad school after this. But things are so busy here...and maybe thats an easy excuse to use... but I've barely been able to think about what happens next for me, and as for schools...applications need to be in sometimes as early as december. Yikes. I have this visual of me, next year, living in my parents house, 24 years old, with no job and trying to figure out what the heck i am doing. I laugh about that, but it might happen. I am not freaking out about this, yet. I do think I will figure out what to do with my life and I do believe that God has been giving me pieces of a bigger whole, that fit together in one way or another, I'm just not sure yet how or why or what its forming into.

Living here has begun to show me things that I care about. I already knew I cared about these things, but all of a sudden, I am more aware of their vital importance in my life. They are becoming non-negotiables. For instance:

I have always considered myself a groupie to the arts. Usually, people are either The Artist, or don't understand the art at all. I am neither. I understand the art, and completely appreciate it and the artist. To me, art....talent....natural born inspiration...its all drips of God. Some people can't not make music. Others feel inspired to create the images they see in their imagination. Some express themselves in dance, or photos or writing, and so on. All of these art forms just seem to FIT for these people. God has created everyone so uniquely. His creativity has made people different and talanted and lovely.

I should make a note here: I am not saying that I only find God in the arts or that you have to be an artist to express this creativity. It is just one aspect of life that I am intriged by and connect with God through.

So, I have always known that I loved this, and part of wanting to move to Europe was because of its art, architecture, fashion, etc. I wanted to be absorbed in it all. But, God is funny. I moved to Central Europe. Czech Republic. Ostrava. And honestly, there isnt really that environment here. Its not the romantic and poetic Western Europe I was thinking of. That's my impressions so far at least. Fashion is not really the up to date trends and people dont seem concerned about it much. Art is basic and kind of hard to find. And even the czechs arent that impressed with their own music. Innovation seems lost. People arent really trying to stick out of the crowd or create something new.

And this is not said to offend or to be negative at all. And believe me, I think there is something beautiful about life here. They work together. They aren't extravagent or over indulgent. They don't feel this intense need to figure out who they are and find what would make them happy...like Americans are constantly on a quest for. They care about their family. They work hard. They enjoy simple pleasures.

So there are two things this is showing me. First of all, that art is more important to me that i even thought. Just being in the environment of creativity is inspirational to me and energizing. I'm impressed and challanged and fed by it. I think, that in the end, I need to live in a place where it strongly exists.

Second... I think God took me out of that environment because He wanted to show me His beauty and creativity in other ways. I believe Him to be dynamic and mysterious. Being here is giving me an opportunity...actually, I am almost being forced... to learn about Him and find Him in other forms besides the arts. Which, I am now grateful for.

There are other non-negotiables... but this has become a long blog, and once its this long, only your parents read it. So I'm going to pause here for now.